Pee Loser: Part 1 (visit to a penthouse)

22 Dec

The song “Oh what a night” springs into my head when I think about Pee Loser. That’s what I named him. I can’t remember what his real name is which is okay since I can’t print it in this post anyways.

I met Pee Loser at JB’s down in Deerfield Beach. JB’s is a great restaurant with an easy atmosphere and it’s an altogether fun place, especially on a Saturday night.

I was out with Heather and one of her friends. We were out at the back bar of the restaurant – it runs off into the beach. Very cool.

There were some odd folks out that night. One guy insisted on petting Heather. Weird? Yeah.

Then there was a couple that felt that their Spanish dancing techniques should be spread all over the dance floor – to the point where they were pushing people out of the way. I felt like someone should tell them this isn’t an audition for Dancing with the Stars. I was on my way to the bar to grab some napkins (Florida humidity can really make you sticky) and Mr. I like to Pet People was there. So he offered to buy me a drink. Naturally I ordered one for myself and for Heather – and for her friend. He was so far gone he was totally fine with it. I grabbed my drinks and I was off! Even had time to snatch the napkins. Had to take care of my girls you know?

While we were sipping on our newly acquired, refreshing drinks I glanced around. The lack of good looking men was discouraging. Meeting a man in South Florida was yet again proving to be hopeless.

That’s when I saw Pee Loser. Granted I had had a few drinks so my liquor goggles were at an 80% capacity but he was kind of cute and had a stack of cash in his hand. All I saw was dollar signs. Is that really such a bad thing?

There was a really talented live band performing and he was showering them with singles. At first it was cool for him to give the band so much attention. But then it just looked stupid. The amount of money he was throwing was absurd. Even the band was beginning to get uncomfortable. Well…not that uncomfortable – money is money. They were probably stoked. I felt like asking him if he wouldn’t mind throwing some at me? Maybe not the best idea…

Lucky for me he walked over and asked if I had a lighter. Sure I did! Then we got to talking. He gave off a good vibe and made a very good impression. My vodka goggles convinced me of that. Towards the end of the evening he was trashed and he was just a hot mess. His eyes were blood-shot and he was acting like a fool. 

That’s when I sobered up.

What the hell was I thinking?

Pee Loser bragged to us about how he lives in a penthouse and how he’s a manager at a strip club etc etc. So he invites us over. His place was down in Hallandale Beach and I was so not crazy about making that drive. But Heather thought maybe he’d turn out to be a good guy for me – you never know. Okay I’d give it a whirl.

Heather & her friend grabbed their car at the valet. I’m waiting for mine and then comes Pee Loser saying that his friend left him behind. What the…? So I had to drive him home. Wasn’t crazy about that idea either. Just met this guy – don’t know what he’s capable of and he wants me to drive him home? Him & I alone in my car? I was worried but decided to go along with it. I’d be following Heather and she’d save me if necessary. Besides he was so drunk that he would barely be able to tie a shoe lace much less attack me.

While we waited for the valet cuties to bring my precious Honda Civic around I looked over at Pee Loser so I could size him up. You know – sneak a glance while he’s off guard. See the real him.

It was frightening. As he stood there swaying I looked him up and down. Greasy hair. Misshapen clothes. Disgusting sandals. And…ew! Fungus? On one of his big toes?! I couldn’t stop myself from gagging. I was just about to tell him that I had changed my mind and needed to go home when I realized my car was there. Ok – too late to turn back – let’s get this show on the road. And a show it certainly was.

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6 Responses to “Pee Loser: Part 1 (visit to a penthouse)”

  1. Anthony Corwin December 22, 2011 at 12:02 pm #

    ok you just gonna leave me hanging? WTF I need more! Very excited to hear whats next.

    • ConnieMaria December 22, 2011 at 1:13 pm #

      LOL Yes! I need to write the 2nd half still 🙂 That guy was out of control. Thanks for reading my posts btw – much appreciated! 🙂

  2. The Hook January 10, 2012 at 11:19 am #

    Alcohol does wonderful things to our perception of reality, right?

  3. August McLaughlin June 6, 2012 at 10:27 am #

    I used to code-name guys, too. Ha! Fun post! And you cannot beat that hilarious title.

    • ConnieMaria June 6, 2012 at 10:58 am #

      Thank you August!! 🙂 I appreciate the comment 😀

  4. susielindau June 6, 2012 at 1:07 pm #

    I have to read part II! I’ll be back. I have to find out what this Pee Loser is all about!
    What a great story and a great one for today’s blog party!

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