Pee Loser: Part 2 (visit to a penthouse)

24 Dec

Enter part 2 of Pee Loser! (Welcome back!)

At this point you’re wondering why I call him Pee Loser. You’re about to find out why.

No sooner did I buckle my seatbelt  and my newly acquired passenger stumbled into the car did the regret of my actions fully set in.

I thought about kicking him out. Leaving him there to find another way home.

But I felt kind of bad. Bad enough to drive his inebriated butt all the way down south.

I asked him to put on his seatbelt a few times but he stared at it as if it were a completely foreign device. He managed, with my assistance, to get buckled up.

Heather and her friend drove behind us just in case anything wishy-washy happened.

We hopped onto I-95 South to Hallandale Beach. He told me all about how he manages a strip club (again) and proceeds to speak some pretty powerful words:  “Yeah I can get any girl I want, you know.”

Seriously?? I replied with, “Oh yeah? Well that’s just super cool.”

“Yeah the girls love me there. I can have any of them.”

“Wow, how wonderful.” 

Took him a little while but he eventually caught on to the sarcasm. I was proud.

“I should probably shut up huh…”

“Probably.”

“Sorry.” He said more but it was more of a long mumble and exhale of stale breath.

And the moment you’ve been waiting for. This was the exact moment this lovely man earned his nickname.

“I gotta pee.”

“Can you wait until we get to your place?”

“Noooo. I gotta peeeeeeeee.”

Suddenly I felt like a mom with a 2 yr old.

“Well we’re not stopping.”

“What?”

“Dude, we’re not that far from Hallandale – you can hold it.”  (Yes I use the word dude regularly.)

“But I gotta peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.”

“Too bad. You should’ve gone before we left JB’s.” I might as well have been in a minivan with a car seat.

“I gotta peeeee. Come on! I gotta peeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

“If you say that one more time, I’m pulling over.”

He smiled his drunken victory smile, “Good.”

“No, you don’t understand. If I have to pull this car over I’m not waiting for you. I would leave you standing on the side of the highway.” He stared at me as if i was the antichrist. “You would have to walk home. Got it?”

“Dang. You’re mean.”

“Yeah. So I’ve been told.”

He was pretty quiet after that. Silence truly is golden sometimes. 

However … all good things must come to an end. The quiet was blissful until he put down the window and started hacking up a lung and spitting.

Hack. Spit.

Haaaaaaaaack. Spit.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack. Spit.

Oh the sweet sounds of hacking and spitting. Really – I think I would have rather heard the whining.

What could possibly be next you might ask?

Wellll….this is a longer story than I originally remembered! It’s all coming back to me now! Lol. Hold on for Part 3, friends!

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2 Responses to “Pee Loser: Part 2 (visit to a penthouse)”

  1. The Hook January 10, 2012 at 11:23 am #

    Again, what a great guy you picked up!

    • ConnieMaria January 10, 2012 at 7:45 pm #

      Yes – I sure know how to pick ’em! Hehe

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