Nom Nom, the Cookie Monster!

18 Jan

It’s time to share the story of Nom Nom.

Heather and I decided on attending happy hour after a rough workday. I was angry and stressed out and was taking it out on people who didn’t deserve the wrath of Con (<–ha!). 

Learn how to control your temper 101 – someday I need to take that class.

Anyways, Heather’s boyfriend met us at the Ale House.

We experimented with Disaronno (amaretto) and the concoctions that were aired in recent Disaronno commercials. There were two in particular: cranberry juice & Disaronno and ginger ale & Disaronno. There was also the already popular Disaronno sour (Yum!). A few drinks later, I looked over to my right just to notice this burly dude staring at me. I was about to look away when I realized I actually knew this oversized, intoxicated, tired looking fellow.

Being the lightweight that I am, I shouted, “Hey! I know you!”

When will I ever learn? Just because you recognize someone doesn’t mean you’re required to start a conversation with them. Look away – don’t speak. Because a mere “hello” will not suffice after reuniting with someone you knew but barely knew over a decade ago.

I got up to say hello & give a hug. Then I introduced him to my friends.

Big mistake because after that he didn’t shut up. I never realized there were men that talked that much. He jabbered on and on and on with his gravelly voice. He continued to talk and say nothing at all of importance. I kept fighting back the urge to clear my throat because his voice was so … rumbly (? I can’t think of the right word) and … dry?

Heather’s boyfriend does a fantastic imitation of the Cookie Monster. It’s impressive, really.

How does this relate to Nom Nom in any way, shape, or manner? Because Nom Nom did sound like the Cookie Monster. True story.

You may be wondering if this Nom Nom had a real name. I couldn’t remember his first name but I knew his last name. Product of being in Navy ROTC in high school – last names stick.  I asked what his first name was and he began bragging about having 5 different names.  Seriously?

Even Heather’s boyfriend voiced his concern about how scary it was that there were single men like Nom Nom out on the prowl. I responded with a “I have zero hope for meeting someone.”

Moving on. While I was pondered various ways to get rid of this dude and get back to enjoying the company of my friends, Nom Nom decides to pull a chair up to our table. He continues to talk about how Facebook is ‘gay’ and how God didn’t intend people to meet through the internet. I especially loved his impression of a typical online dating conversation.

Weirdly enough – he insisted that everyone starts off with “do you like baseball?”

Now, I know that I am cruel sometimes .. ok a lot of times … but honestly Nom Nom did not shut up so I started to toss out sarcastic remarks here and there. Didn’t phase him. How could he not hear what I was saying? Oh right – because he kept talking.

In the midst of this oh so fabulous conversation he managed to tell me:

(1) He’s surprised I’m not knocked up. (Is there a rule that every woman must be married with children by 30? I think not…)

(2) He thinks I’m too old to go back to school. (Say what?! I’m not old, Nom Nom!)

(3) I still look the same as I did in high school. (I was okay with this point. :D)

When he insisted I was Spanish (which I’m not) I had to correct him. I told him my dad is American and my mom was born and raised in Bermuda. “Fernidia?” He said, “I don’t know where that is.”

I went along with it – how could I not? For that moment in time, during that lovely warm evening – Fernidia, the imaginary country, was born.


7 Responses to “Nom Nom, the Cookie Monster!”

  1. Dead Tired David January 18, 2012 at 11:39 pm #

    I love that….the wrath of Con.

  2. Riccardo Romano January 20, 2012 at 2:20 pm #

    Excellent blog here! Also your web site loads up fast! What host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host? I wish my website loaded up as quickly as yours lol

  3. The Hook January 24, 2012 at 9:06 pm #

    Swim with sharks and you’re bound to get bit every once in a while…

    • ConnieMaria January 25, 2012 at 2:07 pm #

      Perhaps in Fernidia! hehe…hehe…hehe…. ok i’m done 😛

  4. Edward Owen January 31, 2012 at 4:38 pm #

    And what makes this all the better is you brought it on yourself… this guy was a walking hangover LOL Next time, try talking to a stranger, it will probably go better. BTW, you are never too old to anything to which you set your mind (OK, playing NFL football might be a ship that has sailed, but at 5′ 7″ and 185 lbs. [yes, when I’m naked] I think that ship never made it to port anyway. Turning 49 Saturday has nothing to do with it.) Great post. 🙂

    • ConnieMaria January 31, 2012 at 9:58 pm #

      LOL Edward! Great comment – very funny 😉 I know – I practically invited this trouble right?! thank you for stopping by annnnnnnnnd happy birthday mister 🙂 I hope its wonderful. 🙂

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